"The Biggest Mistake Of My Life"
Copyright Disclaimer: All characters that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess belongs to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing for this fan fiction.
Subtext: None--what, are you kidding me?
Violence: None--yep, not this time. What a bummer.
Sex: None--just 'cause there's no sex, doesn't mean there can't be kissing.
Date Written: November 25, 2000
Author's Note/Summery: After Ares saves Xena from the icy waters, Xena decides to talk to him but she realizes that she is not being completely honest about her feelings. Takes place during the last scene of "Coming Home" and Xena tells it from her point of view.
I slowly walked up the hill toward Ares who was sitting on a rock. I could see that he was aching from the pains of his wounds. I walked up and stood in front of him.
He nodded his head in response.
"Mortality stinks...not to mention HURTS." He said.
I started to smile. "Yeah. It does sometimes."
I reached out a hand to inspect the cuts and bruises on his face. I never thought the day would come that I would see him wounded. In a way, I felt sorry for him. I had never seen him so helpless in all my life.
Ares inhaled deeply before he began to speak.
"You have got a WICKED right jab."
"Sorry about that."
"It's not the end of the world. Who knows? Maybe as a mortal I can experience something I never could as a god." Ares replied looking deep into my eyes.
"Like what?" I asked, very curious as to what he could experience now that he couldn't when he was a god.
Ares raised his hand to meet mine. I lowered my hand as he gently caressed it with his own. Our fingers entwined in a gentle embrace.
"Like you." He replied tenderly.
My heart melted at the sound of his words. I knew...in my heart, that I wanted to be with him. He knew it too, even though I refused to admit it.
"You never give up, do you?" I asked him, even though I already knew the answer.
We stared at each other for only a few seconds but to me, it seemed like a lifetime. I had never seen such love in his eyes. I slowly leaned in and softly kissed him. It wasn't passionate or anything, just friendly and it was when I parted that I TRULY realized what I had done.
"I guess I'm finally getting to you." Ares said as we smiled at each other.
I wanted to say 'yes' and tell him how I truly felt but instead I denied my feelings.
"No, you always got to me, but you were bad for me, Ares. You still are."
My heart sank when I lied to him but I knew that I would get over it...eventually. With a sad face, I stood up and turned away from him. I wanted to turn around and be truthful with him but I didn't. I knew I didn't just want to be with him, I NEEDED to be with him. I began to walk away until I heard his voice.
I turned around to see him standing up, looking at me with those soft brown eyes of his.
"...is there even a chance we could be together? I don't know. Maybe...one in a thousand?"
I sighed and wanted to say that he wouldn't have to wait that long and that I would be with him now, but once again, I didn't.
"More like one in a BILLION."
Ares looked down at the ground and then looked up at me, smiling.
"So, you're saying there IS a chance."
I just shook my head and chuckled before turning from him once more. As I walked away, I could feel my heart ach for him. I never thought that I would feel so lonely without him. I wanted to stop and go back to him but my pride and stubborn nature was too much and it didn't allow me to turn around. So, I continued to walk on, denying the feelings within my heart.
It was a mistake that I will always regret and to this day, I wish I had made a different decision. I will never have a chance with him and my soul can never be filled. I will always long for him until the day I die.